How to Deal with Bullies

by Janet Ruth Heller, author of the book for kids How the Moon Regained Her Shape (stay tuned for a great review of this book and your chance to win a copy!)


While children need to learn to cope with constructive criticism, occasional tactless remarks, and accidental touching, they often need adult help with frequent harassment, whether it is verbal or physical. Kids rarely have the social or physical skills to deal with persistent bullies. Here is some advice for families whose kids get bullied.

1) Make sure that communication lines are open. Listen carefully to children when they complain about being taunted, threatened, pushed, or hit by other kids. Don’t dismiss their grief with “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names can never hurt me.” Name-calling does hurt and can wound a child’s self-esteem for many years. Bullying is dangerous to kids’ mental, emotional, and physical health.

2) Teach your children not to bully others by pointing out that everyone’s body is different and we all have different strengths and weaknesses. We can also disagree with one another without resorting to name-calling or fights. Discuss questions like these with your family. Is anyone’s body perfect? Do we have a right to make remarks that may hurt other people’s feelings? How can we have friendly arguments?

3) Talk with children about different options for countering verbal or physical attacks without being mean or violent. They can ask the bully to leave them alone and tell him or her that they are not interested in such comments, threats, etc. They can tell a nearby adult, such as a neighbor, a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a school psychologist, or a principal. They can ask their friends for advice.

4) Point out to children that when someone insults them with cruel words, these words do not make the insult true. Bullies often power-trip by trying to make others feel bad about themselves. Children can thwart bullies by retaining their self-confidence and happiness with themselves. Remind kids that they have friends and family members who like them and care about them and see them as good and nice people.

5) Teach children that no matter how big, strong, or popular someone is, he or she does not have the right to hurt our bodies or our feelings. All kids need and deserve respect.

6) Help children understand that other kids may need them to stand up against a bully. Kids need to find a way to prevent bullies from hurting anyone. It is not tattling to tell an adult that a bully or a gang is planning to attack someone. If one adult will not listen, children need to keep telling adults until someone assists them.

7) Urge children to tell you or other adults if they see kids carrying weapons, especially if the other children threaten to use these weapons.

8) If bullying occurs at school, talk with teachers or with the principal. Encourage them to hold class workshops on bullying with trained social workers or psychologists. Also, suggest that the school establish a no-tolerance policy for bullying to keep kids safe. Many schools also have a “Bully Box” to allow students to report harassment without signing their names.

9) Consider giving your children basic training in self-defense. There are many classes for young people in karate, judo, and other martial arts. Such training can give children self-confidence and teach them how to block blows and frustrate attackers.

10) Dispel myths about bullies. Bullies can be any size, any ♥♥♥, any age, and any skin color. We need to help children understand that bullying is not cool and that they have a right to counter bullies in any constructive way.

I say if it gets very bad, get it on camera, like I did today. Sweet revenge... it was really bad, though. The dean was very concerned. I think bullies are amusing when they try to hurt me, because it just doesn't work. They say stuff like, "You're not right in the head," and I don't care because they're not my friend anyway. I only care about what my friends think. If you don't like me in the first place, I won't care about anything you say. Tough luck.

I think the best way to handle these bullies is to:

*Either revenge
*Tell the teacher
*Put a hiden camera (as you said)
*Give a written application to the Principal.

The best of these is the (4th one...Give a..). The person will automatically say sorry.

Bullies are tough to deal with. I think the truer you are to yourself, the more bullies there will be. SOmetimes you have to take a look at their situation. Just ignore them. It is hard, but it is the best advice. Listen to your heart, be yourself. In the end, the bullies are nobody.

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tell a teacher but also just avoid them as much as possible

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Bite me. I'm a vampire.

Ignore them! It works for me.

Bully Them back If Nothing Else Works...

Not a good idea. Then they won't stop, and they'll have a reason to bully you. And it could get YOU in trouble too.

My dad got this pamphlet advertising "ti quan do" (i can't spell that) classes. On the paper they give bullying advise because they're trying to say that joining the classes will help self defense and self-confidence and stuff. I remember these 2 were sorta interesting:


1. Humor: Try to throw the bully off guard with humor. Example:

Bully: "Whatsa mattah, you chicken?"
You: *start squawking and walking around like a chicken*
Spectators: *laughter*

This throws the bully off guard, and changes their insult into a joke. Suddenly, something that's meant to hurt you is making you laugh. When I was little, there was a school bully (at my old school), who was, well, a total bully. Like the kind you see on TV. One time the bully scratched me, and I said "Ha ha, that tickles!" And he looked totally confused. The few other kids watching started laughing at him.



2. Agreement: Try to agree with what the bully is saying, as if it really wasn't an insult. Example:

Bully: "Where'd you get that sweater, nerd? The dumpster?"
You: "No, my grandma made it for my birthday and I hate, but my mom made me wear for some stupid reason."
Bully: *caught off guard* "Yeah? Well... it still looks like (insert bad word here)."
You: "I know... that's what I just said."
Bully: *angry* "WHATEVER!" *stomps away*

This changed the bully's insult to just a comment. Don't say this if the bully is insulting your race or gender.



My friend and some other people once joined forces with an in 1st grade with a bully, and all they did was follow him around and call him "mister bossyman", and wear sunglasses. Eventually the bully just got tired of them and didn't bother them any more.

Our school doesn't have any bullies, which is a relief

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BTT rocks. =P