Lots Of Blonde Jokes
Number One
One day a blonde hits a truck from behind. The guy steps out and draws a circle on the road, tells her to stand in the circle and not to step out. So the guys starts messin' with her car. He breaks her windsheld, she laughs. He turns around an says, "what's so funny?" She says, "nothing." He turns back around mad that she's laughing, so he starts keying her car. She laughs harder. So he turns back around an says, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" She says, "nothing, nothing." The guy is getting madder so he slits her tires. She's laughing so hard she can't breathe. The guys says, "what is so funny? The blonde says, "While you where turned around I stepped out of the circle 3 times"....
Number Two
There was a blonde and a brunette walking through the woods. The brunette looks down and said, "oh my gosh there's a dead bird!" The blonde looks up and says, "where?"
Number Tree
There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead who were all news reporters going to iraq.
One day the 3 of them got captured by a group of terrorists and were going to be executed the next day.
(next day)
The terrorists put the redhead first in the middle of a circle of men with lots of ♥♥♥♥. Scared to
death she thought I have a perfect idea. The commander said "ready...aim..." then the redhead blurts out "tornado tornado tornado!" They all scattered out and she ran away.
They come back aput put the brunette in the circle. "Ready...aim..." With quick thinking she blurts out "earthquake earthquake earthquake!" They all scattered and she got away.
The terrorists return once more and put the blonde in the circle. "Ready... aim..." The blonde, seeing the other reporters schemes, says, "fire fire fire."
Number Four
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Number Five
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave." he replied.
Number Six
Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
Number Seven
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Number Eight
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Number Nine
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Number Ten
A bunch of blondes walk into a restaurant celebrating and chanting "28 days, 28 days, it only took us 28 days!!"
Everyone was wondering what took them 28 days and why they were celebrating. Finally, when the blondes were about to leave, a waitor goes up and asks "What took you 28 days, why are you celebrating??"
All the blondes say "We just finished a puzzle in 28 days and on the box it said 3-6 years!!!"
Number Eleven
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K_9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K_9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
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