Lol, my friend sent me these. Some of them were a little inappropriate, but here's some that are appropriate and pretty funny:
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He asked "How flexible are you?" I replied, "I can't come on Tuesdays".
I used to be a fisherman, but I got caught playing hooky.
I used to work at Starbucks, but I got tired of the daily grind.
I wanted to be a mime but I talked myself out of it
There were two ships. One had red paint, one had brown paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned!
They arrested the former chewing gum manufacturer for unlicensed ex-spearmints
You guys rock!
Swing N Slide Champion!
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