1. "Hi I'm Joe. This is Bob's answering machine. Bob can't talk right now, but I'm always available."

2. "DON'T DO IT!!! DON'T YOU DARE!!! DON'T!!! DON'T YOU BEEP!!! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL I'LL... DON'T DO IT!!! DON'T... *beep*"

3. "So I got this new answering machine the other day but I can't seem to figure out how it works. Hmmm. Ok. the instructions say to press the record button. Ok did that. So why isn't the red light flashing? Hmmm.I wonder what this button does. *beep*"

4. " Hi. You've reached Bob. I got this answering machine at a garage sale in 'as-is' condition. You can leave a message but I'm not sure it'll work so if we don't call you back it means the machine doesn't work."

5. " Hi. This is Bob. If you're calling because I owe you money, press 1 and hang up now. If you're calling because I borrowed something from you and never gave it back, press 2 and hang up now. If you're calling because I was rude, mean, or snobby to you, press 3 and hang up now. If you're calling because you want to meet me somewhere to hang out or something, press 4 and hang up now. If you are my boss, mother, sister, or father in law, press 5 and hang up now. If you're a donation center, press 6 and hang up now. If you're calling to tell me you want to give me something, wait for the beep and leave a message."

6. "Come on you can do it! Just a little one. I know you can do it. Come on just a little beep. Come on I know you can do it. There you go almost. Come on. There you go! *beep*"

7. "NOOOO!!!! NOT THE BEEP!!!!!PLEASE DON'T BEEP!!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!! NOOOO!!!!! ANYTHING BUT THE BEEP!!!!!! PLEASE!!!! NOT THE BEEP!!!! NOOOO!!! *BEEP*"

8. "Hi. I'm Bob's answering machine. What are you?"

9. "Hi. this is Bob's answering machine. He's not available, but the toaster is."

10. "Hi. Bob's answering machine is broken. This is the fridge. Speak very slowly and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

11. "Hi. This is Bob's toaster. His answering machine is in the shop, so please leave your message when the toast is done."

12. "Thank you for calling 111-1111. If you wish to speak to Bob, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Joe, push 2 on your phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system."

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^Up There is Natalia, shes gonna take over the world some day! So become my minion or be aware!