"I can't believe it! My wallet was stolen right out from under my nose."
"Gee, it probably would have been safer in your pants pocket."
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A small boy was fishing through a small hole in the ice when a bigger boy came by and said, "You sure are dumb. If you catch a large fish, you'll never be able to get it through that small hole." The smaller boy responded, "No, you're the one who is dumb. If I catch a big fish, it won't be able to pull me through this small hole."
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What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
Close the door! I'm dressing.
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Why did the pig become an actor?
Because he was a big ham.
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Customer: Have you got any kittens going c h e a p?
Clerk: No, ma'am. All of our kittens go "meow."